Excerpt 99

She knew why already, but knew he wanted her to ask him.

“How come?”

“My mother only has one grandchild, and it’s that crazy pill popper’s.  She probably won’t even stay with my brother.  He’s such an ass to her.  And then he’ll have to battle with her to even see the kid.”

“I think you’re jumping ahead a little bit,” Ala said, touching his arm.  She felt him tense up slightly.

“I don’t.  I screwed up.  My mother won’t be able to see me get married.  She’ll never meet my kids.  And all of that could have been done by now. She put her life into this family and won’t even see it grow. My father worked to make life comfortable for this family and they won’t even enjoy it. Neither of them.”

He was always irrational when he couldn’t control a situation.

“Jase, you can’t get married and have a family for anyone but yourself.”

He parallel parked on his street and they got out of the car.  She let him walk ahead because he had the keys.

“I could’ve by now.  We could’ve.  There was no reason to not get married.”  He opened the heavy front door and stomped up the stairs.  She didn’t know if she should even follow him.  She had to though because all of her things were in the apartment.  And he would never forgive her if she didn’t.

“There was a reason, Jase.”

“Yeah,” he said, slamming the apartment door behind her, “What?”

She leaned against the card table in the dining room.

“To begin with, getting married is a big deal.  It’s not just a next step because you’ve been dating someone for awhile.”

“Says who?  Some feminist online publication?” He hit the top of one of the windows and opened it.

“No.  I do.”

“Why did you even move here then?”

“Because I wanted to be with you.  I moved here with love for you. But I realized that we weren’t working very well together.”

“You didn’t even try.  You fled.”

“I didn’t try?” She put both of her hands on the table to steady herself. “I know you’re upset.  This isn’t something we should talk about now.”

He paced the room, kicking off his shoes.

“I brought you into my whole life.  Into my family. I consulted with you before I made decisions about my future.  I thought we were building something.”

“I did too.”

This was a scene she had replayed many times since moving out of the apartment.  He wanted her back.  He wanted to make this work. He loved her as much as she had loved him.  It was a dream come true.  She could kiss him right now. He could lift her up and carry her into the bedroom and they wouldn’t have to ever look back. They could feel how they felt when they had first met. They could go back to their first time.

And she didn’t want any of it.  It wasn’t that she was over him, but that she felt how she had dreamt of feeling when being in love.  She couldn’t go back to what she had with Jase, because it didn’t feel as right as everything felt with Danno. She had known Jase for years and already knew Danno better.

Jase saw her looking out the window and slowly approached.  He took her arms with both of his hands and turned her toward him so they were face to face, eye to eye.  Her phone rang and her eyes darted to her purse. He held onto her.

“I know you’ve been with someone else,” he said, almost smiling. Ala wasn’t afraid of him or what he might do.  She realized he was so upset about his mother and so upset about her not wanting be with him, that he could kill her.  It was possible.  But she was happy that she was telling the truth very plainly, no matter what the outcome. She had come here out of concern for Abigail and to show support to his family.  Now he had turned the visit into their issues.  Her phone rang again and he snickered. “Come on, tell me you haven’t been.  Lie.”